Nov. 23, 2003

By Pastor Marcia Sietstra

Isaiah 40:1-8, 28-31

Memorial Sunday

Today, on the last Sunday of the church year before a new Advent season begins, we traditionally pause to give thanks for the blessings of this past year, and to remember, with thanks, our loved ones who have passed away.

It is an important ritual, this remembering and giving thanks, symbolized in the lighting of candles of remembrance and in the giving of new commitment cards that really symbolize the dedication of our lives to God. The older I get, the more I appreciate these rituals that we use in the church each year. Rituals are ‘the acting-outs’ of our religious tradition. Often without using words, they convey deep meaning.

The church I grew up in wasn’t big on using rituals or symbols, being a rather stark Reformed Church that was still reliving the 16th century Reformation. Reformers were against using statues, candles, and other valuable symbols in worship, because they wanted to differentiate themselves from the Catholic Church of their day, from which they had separated. I’m glad that Protestant churches today are reclaiming the use of these aids to help us experience, in a tactile way, the presence of God, using all our senses—sight, smell and touch and not just hearing. Many of the church’s symbols go back thousands of years, and are rich in meaning. Even in Isaiah’s day, for example, candles and light were a symbol of God’s presence in the world, and a sign of hope.

I encourage you to use symbols in your homes as well as church. I remember when our children were young and I wanted to start using symbols to teach them about our faith. I made a small advent wreathe with 4 little candles to light, thinking we would read some Bible verses about the coming of Jesus at the dinner table each Sunday evening in December. It didn’t turn out quite like I had hoped. The first Sunday night, our daughter said, ‘You mean we gotta wait to eat supper until you read Bible verses?’ and it wasn’t long before our son, holding a chunk of broccoli near the flame, said, ‘How long do you think it would take the candle to burn this broccoli, Dad?’

Every week, it was a race through the Advent reading, so we could eat, and I felt like giving up! What I didn’t know then, was that any new experience requires repetition before there is comfort and often it is many years before the meaning becomes part of us. So this year we will light the Advent candles again in church, beginning next week.

I read an article once in which the author told of reading a special story to her sons one Christmas, hoping to make it a tradition. It was O. Henry’s ‘Gift of the Magi,’ the sentimental tale of a young couple who each sacrificed their most precious possession to purchase each other gifts. The young wife sold her long hair to buy him a watch chain; he sold his watch to buy her combs for her beautiful hair. At the end of the story, her sons’ only response was, ‘You never told us we could sell our hair! We’ve been getting ripped off at the barbershop for years!’

I’ve also been through the advent calendar routine. So I could identify when this same author told about buying advent calendars with a chocolate treat behind every day’s door. By Dec. 4th, she heard one child from the bottom of the thrashing pile of arms and legs yelling, ‘He ate my December 19th, so I get to eat his Dec. 21st!’

It takes awhile to start holiday traditions; it takes awhile for kids to learn the meaning behind them too. But don’t despair; it can be done. And it’s important that you think about what symbols and traditions they are unconsciously learning. Even just having a nativity scene in your home is a powerful symbol that teaches your children, without you saying a word, what you believe is important.

Next week you will hear about the meaning of many Christmas symbols during our special ‘Hanging of the Greens’ worship service. We don’t do this because I think you need instruction on what the symbols of Christmas mean; we do it because naming what traditional symbols of Christmas mean—the Advent candles, wreathes, bells and evergreen branches for example— naming those symbols helps us act out our faith using all our senses.

Perhaps you already have some family traditions that help you experience, at a deeper level, that which is hard to put into words. Coming to church on Christmas Eve and experiencing the candlelight service is a tradition rich in meaning. So is putting up a tree or eating together’again, it takes more effort to get people together, but there is value in that repeated family activity.

Rituals are the ties and bonds we make between one another, and we share them at a personal, or family level, as well as at the community level here in worship. Sometimes rituals and symbols need to change.

I think today, especially, about families that have experienced loss this year, and what a difference that will make for their family rituals. If your tradition was to have the whole family come to Grandma and Grandpa’s home for Christmas, and Grandma is no longer with you, then that tradition obviously will change. Grief counselors tell us that it’s helpful to recognize that absence, to take the time for everyone to express how much they miss her.

One of our members recently shared with me how meaningful it was for her daughter to write a note to her great uncle when he died. He had been like a grandfather to the little girl. She wrote the note to her uncle, and then tucked it into his pocket as he lay in the casket, a wonderful symbol of her love and connections to him. Perhaps at Christmas it would be helpful for family members to write a Christmas note to the one who is absent this year, and tuck it into a stocking or a gift-wrapped box under the tree, as a way to ‘act out’ and acknowledge how much s/he is missed. Rituals, to be authentic, must symbolize what is real in your life, and the reality is—things change. Those of you who are divorced know that some of your rituals were disrupted; you don’t necessarily need to lose them, because often they can be changed slightly and retained.

I’ve asked to share something that Lea Lyon made recently, in memory of her husband Homer, because it illustrates what I mean about adapting to loss and using symbols to help do that. It is this quilted wall hanging with an angel in the center, which she is loaning us to hang up for the Christmas season. [read dedication to Homer on back]

Angels in the bible are always a sign of God’s presence. Sometimes they are messengers, sometimes they are God in disguise, but always angels signify God’s presence in some way. In this art work that Lea has created in memory of Homer, she is able to acknowledge her loss, and symbolically name the hope that Homer is with the angels, and thus with God. It becomes a symbol of her faith, one that will very likely be passed to her children and hung up at Christmas for generations to come.

Even a piece of music can become a symbol. At the end of our worship today, the choir will sing an Irish blessing that was purchased with memorial money and dedicated to the memory of a dear organist who died this year. That piece of music becomes a symbol of our commitment to remember her, and a symbol that we trust her to God’s care, even beyond this life.

What legacy will you pass on to your children or other family members and dear friends? I encourage you to think about symbols of your faith that carry meaning for you, and to use them. In our fast-paced culture, the mall can easily become the symbol of Advent. Take back the holiday season this year, as a symbol of our faith in God. Light a candle at the dinner table, even if the kids object, or reclaim some ritual from your family’s heritage, or change a tradition that needs to change. To adapt the words of St. Francis, ‘Preach the Gospel, and [only] when necessary, use words.’ Amen.